Depression And Reduced Cognitive Ability
When brain fog makes you feel incapable of reading and writing
I have always valued intelligence highly, and pride myself on being articulate. As a result, when depression and the accompanying brain fog descend on me, it takes a toll not just on my ability to think straight but on my self-worth too. In the midst of a depressive episode, I struggle to read a sentence or to extricate meaning from articles; I find it hard to follow film plots and get lost in the middle of conversations; when I try to write articles in a depressive haze, I lose sight of the bigger picture and struggle to build coherent arguments.
I question whether I have understood a quote I want to use and I overanalyse every sentence until it loses its meaning and becomes a jumble of letters. All of this makes me feel dim, which in turn, makes me feel worthless; my whole identity is based on being a writer- not to mention my career- so when depression stops me from being able to write, it hits hard.
In short, depression and mental fog kill thought; a complete mental paralysis overcomes me and my mind becomes a creative wasteland. Only time palliates this state, and no amount of prompting can pull me from this reduced capacity — and desire — for knowledge. I suddenly want to passively consume junk entertainment, and spend hours allowing autoplay to send me down rabbit holes of mindless material: football bloopers, rugby fights, best golf shots, and puppy videos.
The more I panic about my reduced desire to read, the more anxiety I attach to the activity thus making it less desirable; like a man whose member fails him once and who fears future activity in case it happens again. The best way I can describe the feeling — drawing on the analogy — is mental impotence.
In this state, I fall into all or nothing thinking and catastrophizing, for example: “I won’t ever read again and so will not be able to be a writer”, or “I won’t able to find a life partner if I can’t hold a conversation.” I feel guilty for not writing or reading whilst I sit and binge watch comfort shows I have seen ten times before because they require little if any cognition. This guilt and stress only prolong the depression that causes brain fog.
Writing on the Harvard Health Publishing website, Dr James Cartreine notes :
“Depression can actually change your ability to think. It can impair your attention and memory, as well as your information processing and decision-making skills. It can also lower your cognitive flexibility (the ability to adapt your goals and strategies to changing situations) and executive functioning (the ability to take all the steps to get something done).”
If you suffer from these periods of reduced cognitive functioning and brain fog, don’t beat yourself up or feel like it is a comment on your self-worth or intelligence, both of which are tied up. I’m sure you wouldn’t say Lionel Messy was a bad footballer if an injury put him out of action for a month, so don’t think you are stupid or a poor writer if depression does the same.
Ultimately, it’s a mental injury that needs addressing. Speaking on brain fog, Dr. Steven Gundry, MD, a cardiologist, author, and the medical director at The International Heart and Lung Institute Center for Restorative Medicine, says:
“Imagine if you have injured a muscle and how sore it is to use. The same thing happens in the brain”.
Since I have adopted this mindset, I take brain fog a lot better than I once did; no longer do I see reduced cognitive ability as a comment on my self-worth or as something incurable, instead, I see it as an affliction that needs to be addressed and nursed away. Instead of beating myself up for not writing, I realise that I am in recovery so that I can get back to writing as soon as possible.
Continuing, the best way to overcome brain fog is to tackle the cause, as opposed to beating yourself up about feeling “stupid” and studying harder to counteract it. Sleep deprivation, a poor diet, lack of exercise and chronic stress all increase the likelihood of brain fog. Naturally, all of these can lead to depression, or at the very least, exacerbate it.
Depending on which of these may be causing mental fog, the best approach to overcoming cognitive fatigue is to address these root causes (your physician will be able to figure out which are affecting you). In short: Don’t make the mistake of thinking the symptom is what needs treating. Remember, depression, not a lack of intelligence, is what’s affecting your ability to think straight. If someone has a fever and you put a fan on them, you are no closer to curing the real issue at hand, which is an infection.
Likewise, when you are depressed and can’t think straight, don’t beat yourself up or think you need to work harder. In the past, when I have felt brain fog coming on, I have been guilty of thinking that I just needed to spend longer reading or writing, when what I really needed was to de-stress, establish a healthy sleep pattern and address the lifestyle choices which were creating depression and brain fog.
By thinking I was foolish and forcing myself to read more and write for longer, I merely stressed myself further which created a vicious cycle. By all means, continue to journal or free-write or read for leisure if you wish, but if doing so is creating stress, then leave it be. In short, If you need time away from writing to improve your lifestyle choices or immerse yourself in passive leisure, then do it; from experience, no good comes from trying to force a tired brain to perform. Writers get injuries too, and like anyone else, need recovery time.
