How To Survive Living With Your Parents At 20
For those in the boomerang generation, a return to home after university is becoming increasingly common; according to a report from the Office For National Statistics, whereas in 1997 the most common living arrangement for young adults (18–34) was as a couple with one or more children (29%), in 2017 it was living with parents at 32% of the same age group. Living at home in your twenties, it is easy to slip into the role of an adolescent once again, and find yourself in shouting matches with parents over differences in lifestyle choices (or what constitutes tidy). With this in mind, how can you make this challenging situation more bearable?
Set Boundaries And Redefine Family Roles
First and foremost, set clear boundaries and establish a relationship which reflects that you are an adult; it is important to ensure that you do not simply keep playing the role of parent and child. When you occupy your childhood room, it is easy for your parents maternal and filial instincts to kick which can make you feel infantilised. Naturally, this may frustrate you; many young adults, myself included, are already self conscious about their living arrangement, so being babied can further lower their self esteem and feel like an infringement on their independence. There is a way to instigate this conversation however; instead of spurning your parents overbearing acts, respectfully tell them that you wish to be treated as an equal. What’s more, if you are reverting into a teenage mindset, respect that they may be mirroring this and responding with parental discipline.
Ask For Respect
Secondly, If you are paying rent and are boarding with your parents permission, make sure that they do not make you feel permanently indebted or under their control. If they have let you home and you are paying your way, they should not laud it over you and demand absolute compliance with no respect for your wishes. It is not fair for them to repeatedly make you feel as if you’re their property for being under their roof. Equally, however, you should be respectful of their wishes so long as they are reasonable. Making noise past a certain time or inviting people round without consulting them is overstepping a boundary. Ask your parents to respect your wishes, and in turn, respect theirs.
Communicate Your Needs
In addition, make sure to discuss the need for privacy as without it dating might not be possible. Naturally, you will want to meet new people and explore romantic possibilities; If you feel that life is on hold whilst at home, you may begin to harbour feelings of resentment towards your parents which can create a hostile environment. Be honest but respectful and make clear your needs; there is no need to live half a life at home, but communication is key so that both parties can maintain boundaries and not lose out from the arrangement. Speaking of which, try to understand your parents perspective. They too are sacrificing freedom in order to accommodate and support you whilst you save up. Granted, with property prices soaring, it may not seem like a choice on your end, but regardless, they opened up their home and are supporting you in the interim. What’s more, realistically your parents probably feel that they didn't have a say in the matter either. Keep that in mind.
Respect your parents differences
Thirdly, it is perhaps one of the greatest realisations of adulthood that your parents aren’t entirely reasonable, mature or even wise individuals. They have fears, flaws and emotions too which become all the more evident as we grow older. As children, their word was gospel. As adults, we may be irritated by how differently we view the world. Parents might hold religious beliefs you don’t share, or expound political views you find indefensible. Respect their beliefs and ask that they respect yours. If they refuse, remember that the arrangement is temporary, and if need be, organise a weekend away to get some breathing space with like minded friends.
In short, living at home can be tough, especially after we have tasted freedom. Whilst there will often be some level of tension, this can be remedied by a few simple steps. Firstly, re-define your relationship with your parents instead of reverting to a superior-inferior dynamic and occupying your childhood role in the family. In addition, be candid and open with your parents about your needs and ask them to respect boundaries. Likewise, respect theirs also and be thankful for their help. Lastly, remember that for both parties the arrangement may not be ideal, and compromise is necessary. You shouldn’t become your parents property because you are living under their roof, but nor should you dictate their life whilst living under it.
