I’m “Successful”, So Why Am I Having A Quarter Life Crisis?
Why success is not a bulwark against the quarter life crisis
I have recently noticed that on account of my own experience, I am often biased towards one specific model of the quarter life experience, namely, one where a young person struggles to get into a chosen industry, or is living at home and unable to obtain any work in a competitive job market. Whilst this is certainly what some QLC’s look like, other individuals find themselves feeling empty and adrift for other reasons. What happens, for instance, if you climb to the top of the ladder in a chosen industry and then feel unfulfilled? What happens if you have every measure of success according to society, and yet feel empty? How does one go about tackling a quarter life crisis that is triggered not by what you don’t have, but by a feeling of dissatisfaction in spite of the things you do possess?
First and foremost, you have to figure out why you feel this way. “Well Duh!”, I hear you saying, and it does sound pretty simple, and yet many of us dedicate years of our life to jobs before ever questioning why we are in an industry, where we are going in that industry or why we are going there in the first place. With this in mind, I’m going to suggest a few reasons why you might be feeling unfulfilled despite financial and career success, with accompanying suggestions for what to do to remedy each cause.
You Are Burnt Out
One of the most common reasons that you might be unhappy despite being a high achiever is because you are burnt out. No matter how expansive your achievements are, if you’re making yourself ill to achieve them, then your work rate is not sustainable. Career success should never mean the failure of your health. It is easy to fall into the trap of taking on more at work to impress your superiors, and as you progress up the ladder, the workload will likely increase also. Nonetheless, listen to your body and if you see any signs of burnout, re-balance work and leisure and make time to wind down.
You Accepted Someone Else’s Definition Of Success
You got good grades, secured a good job, are getting a good salary and are by all measures a success. One question remains however, whose measure is it? Many of us, whether we realize it or not, are influenced in our decisions by those around us, whether it be our family, our friends or society at large. If this is the case, the sooner you realize, the better. Perhaps your parents have always pushed you towards accounting because “thats where the money is”, or they discouraged you from teaching because it’s less lucrative. Either way, if you are feeling empty despite being successful, it’s probably time you started questioning whether you are living out your definition of success or someone else’s instead.
Perhaps you accepted your parents definition or someone else’s entirely. Regardless of whose definition it is, If it is not your own, then it’s time you defined success for yourself. That’s frightening, but it’s also exciting; you have the opportunity to figure out what success means for you, and that starts by getting to know yourself and your ambitions. It also starts by you putting your own happiness above others expectations, because frankly, your happiness isn’t worth others admiration or respect. Honestly, cars, nice clothes and a big house don’t do anything for me, regardless of how much all those things may impress my peers or please my parents; If I based my career goals around these, I would be deeply unfulfilled. In short, success for me is about maintaining a moral character I am proud of, having friends who care for me and doing work that has a tangible effect on others. Next time someone says “don’t you want to be successful?”, ask them to define “success”. As Sally White notes in her TED talk: Defining Millennial Success: “Despite having money I didn’t feel rich. Despite my achievements I didn’t feel successful”. Why? Because it wasn’t her definition of success that she had achieved.
You Sacrificed Something Important Along The Way
Whether a love life, a hobby, a faith or family time, oftentimes the reason someone feels empty despite hitting their targets is because they sacrificed something deeply valuable to attain it. For example, maybe you feel empty because despite a good job title and an enviable salary, you have no one to share your success with, or because after a long day, you return to a quiet house. Maybe you don’t have the time to enjoy the money you’ve earnt, or the energy to do anything once work is finished, if it ever is. Whatever the case, if you feel that you have sacrificed something along the way for your career, then pause and see how you can address this imbalance in your life.
In short, no one is immune to a quarter life crisis, and even if someone is outwardly prospering, internally, they may be just as lost as anyone else. Furthermore, so much of a quarter life crisis centers around defining and shaping an identity, something many of us fulfil through work. If you shape your career around others expectations and beliefs, which are at odds with your own character and identity, it will almost always catch up with you and end in a feeling of dissonance and dissatisfaction. If you find yourself having a QLC despite being labelled a success, it’s time you started reconsidering what success looks like for you.
