Stop Thinking Your Twenties Should Be “The Best Years of Your Life”
You’re not qualified to say so yet
We’ve all heard it at some point, whether it was parents, friends or relatives, in our university dorms or at a family dinner:
“Your Twenties are the best years of your life. Enjoy them”.
It seems harmless enough, right? And besides, there certainly is a romanticism about being newly adult and having a life ahead of you; a million possibilities and the youth to pursue them.
With that being said, I believe this narrative is a toxic one, and far from encouraging 20-somethings to make the most of their time, it leaves them feeling pressured to fit a lifetime into a decade.
As we all know, nothing is less conducive to having a good time than wondering around trying to have a good time, and comparing how good a time you are having in relation to others- it’s like New Years Eve on steroids.
The Struggles Of Being Twenty
Moreover, the whole idea of “living” in your twenties suggests that there are some opportunities only open to us in our twenties which will suddenly be closed to us when we hit thirty; personally, I cannot think of any real examples of this, beyond university halls perhaps.
Granted, you might have less commitments than later in life, but even that is not a hard and fast rule. In fact, I can think of more unique challenges to the modern twenty something than benefits; a lack of financial independence, a competitive job market, and rising property prices to name a few.
Continuing, this narrative that our twenties are the best years of our life is especially damaging when circumstances forbid twenty year olds from doing the things they wish to pursue; if they cannot travel because of job commitments for instance, or are struggling to find a job to fund travelling, if they are struggling to date whilst living at home, or haven’t found their tribe of people yet.
I would hedge a bet that no small amount of the Quarter Life Crisis phenomenon is caused by this narrative, so let’s give young adults one less thing to worry about.
What About Life After 30?
Telling people their twenties are the best years of their life also tacitly states that life is downhill afterwards, even if that’s not the intention. If one is not enjoying their twenties, this doubles the damage; not only do they feel that they are “missing out”, they also feel like it’s the only chance to live to the full, whatever that means.
This narrative is a hangover of previous generations who now project their own experience of being twenty forward. On first appearance, it’s harmless, but it’s motivated by that same generational parochialism that makes some say that young people in unemployment could get a job if they “really wanted to”, just because they did back in their day.
In short, telling twenty year olds that they are currently living the best years of their life is a toxic narrative that we could all do without. I don’t know when the best years of your life will be, I don’t even know how you would go about measuring such a statement, but rest assured, if you’re in your twenties and they are not currently living up to what the collective culture has told you they should be, don’t despair.
Many milestones once associated with our twenties are being pushed backwards, so it might well be that you achieve your “best years” in your late thirties or forties, or more likely, that you will enjoy each successive year equally but in different ways.
You’re Not Qualified To Say When You’re Best Years Are Until The Last Breathe
“Life can only be understood backwards, it must be lived forwards”- Soren Kierkegaard
Lastly, no one will never have enough data to label any one period of a life “the best” until that person has lived their last day on earth, whenever that may be, and with that in mind, we should all stop trying to define decades of our life’s before we’ve lived a second of them.
Instead, we should all live forwards, follow our passions, be curious and stop setting ourselves up for failure by feeling obliged to be having a great time. Life is made of moments, and we would all do well to cherish each one for its own merits, and answer the question that life asks of us in each one.
What’s more, those who have lived their twenties should stop projecting their own experiences onto Millennials today who are contending with challenges their predecessors never had to at that age. With that weight off our chest, we might actually enjoy ourselves.
